Friday, 14 December 2018

What do you carry forward?

We are what our parents are.

Sounds strange? Stick with me, I will explain. Just think back and see how many of your parents’ actions, thoughts and beliefs you are carrying.

When we are born, we are virtually like clean slates. We hear and see the people around us, most part of it being our parents, siblings, extended family, servants, and nannies. We learn from all of them.

When we start moving and communicating, we are handed their thoughts and beliefs which we incorporate and make it our own. So what you heard was wrong to do then, you still apply in your life now, unless circumstances have forced you to or made you change them.

In some cases, a child is not allowed to set his boundaries due to intrusions by those close to him. I’m g going to share an interesting case on this, where a girl was constantly forbidden by her mother to do anything on her own. She could only do what she was allowed to: which meant that she had no friends and had no interaction with anyone lest the she spoke out about the family squabbles.

She had to sit with her mother all day long, while her siblings were free to do what they wanted. This, the child carried into her adult years, where even after marriage, she needed her mother’s nod to do anything at all. When she came to me, her children were at the point in their lives where they were ready to leave home.

What did the mother do? She wanted to remain where she was and hold her children with and to her. That was what she had done (till her mother passed away) all her life, and all this manifested as urinary issues. The problem was resolved when she learnt to set up healthy boundaries and to honour others’  boundaries too.

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